7June 2009 CUMBRIA FARMER
View from
the trough
with
AUSTEN DAVIES
Opinion
Blame culture is a risk
to your bank balance
`T
was a delightfully
balmy evening as
your Old Boar rest-
ed his broad but-
tocks on the bench thought-
fully provided in Carlisle's
Lonsdale Street bus depot. I
had arranged to meet a
young lady travelling up
from Warwickshire for a
season of good, honest,
Cumbrian gut-slogging;
foolish child!
But what a welcome she
received; even that particular-
ly scabby bit of town looked
delightful in the golden glow
of the warm, spring-afternoon
sun. The Edinburgh-bound
coach pulled in to its bay
smack on time � an achieve-
ment I noted with a degree of
admiration given the vagaries
of the M6 that must be
encountered when plotting a
course from central England
to the far north-west. And
there was entertainment too...
As the doors of the coach
hissed open, the driver and
his mate alighted to access
the departing passengers' lug-
gage in the hold, but before so
doing they each retrieved
from the bowels of the bus a
large, padded, fluorescent-yel-
low overcoat � and donned it
accordingly.
I squinted in quiet reflec-
tion at the spectacle of these
two refugees from a motorway
maintenance gang dragging
satchels and suitcases out
onto the pavement: "Expect-
ing a change in the weather,
lads?"
The look was utterly con-
temptuous.
"Just wondering � is this so
that you can be easily spotted
if you get disorientated in the
depot and lose track of the
bus?"
"Health and safety, pal; we
have to put luminous safety
jackets on immediately we
leave the vehicle before doing
anything."
"Highly commendable, I'm
sure � but aren't those reg-
ulations meant for when you
are outside the bus on a dark,
rainy night in the middle of
Glasgow � to ensure you light
up like a neon when a set of
headlights hits you so that,
hopefully, nothing else does?"
"I'm just doing what I'm told,
pal. Is that okay with you?"
It was, perfectly � and the
precaution clearly proved a
wise one, for as they laboured
on the walk-way in the gentle
glow of evening, an out-of-con-
trol shopping trolley was
being negotiated out of an
adjacent store. Heaven knows
what could have happened but
for those luminous safety
overcoats! Good old `health
and safety'!
But there is a sinister side
to the somewhat amusing, if
patronising, precept that
employees are so stupid that
they must be given instruc-
tion as to how to breath in
and out every few seconds if
they are not to expire `on the
job', as it were � because if my
fluorescent friends were flat-
tened into the tarmac of the
motorway by 48 tons of pass-
ing Eddie Stobart, and hadn't
received written instructions
as to the wearing of safety
clothing, their employers
could expect to receive mas-
sive compensation claims.
Some years ago I took on an
experienced maintenance
man whose main brief was to
keep my buildings in a rea-
sonable state of repair. A like-
able sort of chap � ex-Carlisle
Works, with more certificates
of competence than you could
shake a stick at.
The work wasn't tremen-
dously demanding and he got
on with things well, until,
that is, it was time to paint
some first-floor wood-work
that needed to be accessed by
means of a ladder � which he
managed to fall off.
The poor chap was badly
bruised and had a lump on his
head you could have dunked
soldiers in, but was discharged
from A&E after a couple of
hours having suffered no seri-
ous damage, so I took him
home and told him to take it
easy for a couple of days.
The next day I got a call
from his wife telling me that
he'd been given a `sicky' for
the first six weeks and that we
could then take it from there.
Within a fortnight I
received a communication
from Messrs Succom, Blee-
dem and Scroat, Solicitors,
demanding six-figure compen-
sation for injuries sustained
as a consequence of my fail-
ing to train an employee in
the use of a ladder before
allowing him to use it. Given
the man's previous experi-
ence and qualifications I had
presumed a degree of compe-
tence that I was not entitled to
do. As part of my defence, I �
too late � checked the validity
of his qualifications with his
previous employer. Never a
course had been run that my
man hadn't attended, but his
employment had been termi-
nated under remarkably sim-
ilar circumstances. It counted
for nothing. I lost the case and
had costs awarded against me
into the bargain.
I tell you this not to bemoan
my own misfortune, nor, even,
to berate the odious ticks we
call `ambulance chasers'. No; I
tell you because each and every
one of us is in danger from the
culture of blame that is the by-
product of our out-of-control
health and safety industry.
My attention was recently
drawn to an H&SE pamphlet
entitled Noise in Agriculture
which details likely areas
where farm-related noise can
potentially be injurious to
hearing, and one of them is -
pigs! "Large numbers of pigs
in a building can create noise
levels of 100 decibels and
above, especially at feeding
times." I can just about pic-
ture the individual who made
that momentous discovery
having been allowed out of his
or her office for the afternoon
for a `field visit', and can
imagine how excitedly he or
she would have dashed back
to report the discovery.
The serious point is that it
is an offence to have anyone
in an environment where
noise levels are above 87 deci-
bels as a matter of course
and/or 140 decibels at `peak'
times. Even an electric drill
and a grass cutter can exceed
those levels � so make sure
you wear your fluorescent,
high-visibility coat at all
times; you might go deaf but
you'll not get run over � other
than by a stray pig anyway.
For my part, I'm putting up
warning signs � "Hearing
Protection Must be Worn" �
especially in the vicinity of
the Old Boar's bathroom the
morning after a night on the
Old Peculier.
Dangerous: Pigs can seriously damage your hearing... apparently
Hunt on for most beautiful farm
A HUNT is under way to find
the nation's most beautiful
farm.
A panel of celebrity judges
and farming experts started
the search last month.
One of the judges, celebrity
chef James Martin said he was
looking for good business mod-
els and profitability.
The Beautiful Farm Awards
are run by Farm Business mag-
azine.
To enter, phone 01892 861 664.
Alternatively, email
awards@ghpublishing.co.uk
for a form. Entry is free and
open to farms of all sizes.
The winning farm will be
announced at an awards cer-
emony in the House of Lords
in November and the top prize
is a trip to Italy. The deadline
for entries is October 9.Judge: Chef James Martin

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