I
t's cold and dark outside.The temperature is just above
freezing, which guarantees any moisture will be in the
form of a chilling rain. I have just finished working an
eight hour shift and I am lacing up my running shoes. I
have no race to train for, no one to impress and yet I'm
going out.Why?
Some people upon learning that I am a distance runner
make the mistake of assuming I am a highly disciplined
individual. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Fortunately running is by far the best high I have ever
experienced because I am hopelessly addicted to it.
The only discipline I ever muster is
making the painful decision not to run
when I know I need a day off.
I think most people would
describe me as happy and I
am. But, just below the surface
is a pond of melancholy lava
just waiting for an opportunity
to bubble up to the surface. I
put my blues down to my Irish
heritage.When you have
generations of people eating
potatoes in the rain it's not surprising
they spend their nights in pubs. My love of
mashed potatoes and beer is, apparently, genetic.
Eventually, if you run long enough, you'll be running
down the street and a smart ass will yell from his car,"Hey
what are you running from?" I always respond,"Old age
and depression, what are you running from?" Please feel
free to use the Coach Carvey comeback.
If I miss more than a few days of running I feel like a pile
of suicidal poop. I am ageing rapidly and my fat cells are
exploding. Every day is a rainy Monday and I even start to
lose my sense of humor! I need my drug and I need it bad.
If you think about it, your body is a bloody drug store.
Many years ago, I said to my body,"Now listen, I have a race
coming up, what you got? Adrenalin? What's adrenalin? A
stimulant? That's awesome! I could really use something to
jack me up.What do ya got for the pain? Endorphins?
Sounds groovy dude! A painkiller similar to morphine that's
legal and also good for you? That's, like, totally killer!"
Yep, when you run, your body is flooded with a pain
reliever called Endorphin.The harder or longer you run t
he bigger the fix.When you stop running and no longer
feel pain, the Endorphins, which have saturated your
blood stream, are still hanging around like a summer
mosquito.The resulting high is what I have been chasing
my whole life.
Contrary to popular belief, it's a wonderful idea
to get high at work. I sometimes use my lunch
hour to zip through a hilly six miler.When I
get back everything is different, but
nothing has changed. Except that I feel
like I can handle anything. Not
because I am a bundle of energy, but
because I'm so relaxed and in such a
great mood.
My co-workers, who have never
before seen anyone after running all out
with a pulse of 180 and veins popping out
of their forehead, ask,"Oh my God, are you
ok"!? I must look like death, but I feel truly
wonderful and tell them,"Oh trust me, I'm fine. I am
floating on a little cloud made of mashed potatoes and
Peppermint Schnapps."
What if there was a drug that made you feel euphoric and
was legal? What if it was also absolutely free and didn't
shorten your life but extended it? What if its use helped you
look younger, not older? What if you could make it yourself
and in unlimited amounts?You interested? Start running my
friend! RF
Coach carvey
EVERYTHING
IS DIFFERENT
But nothing has changed � Coach Carvey's
been at the endorphins again.
`IF I MISS MORE
THAN A FEW DAYS OF
RUNNING I FEEL LIKE A PILE
OF SUICIDAL POOP. I AM
AGEING RAPIDLY AND MY
FAT CELLS ARE
EXPLODING.'
PERFORMANCE
Mysterious Coach Carvey lives in the USA and has
never actually been seen by anyone. Investigate
him further at: www.carveyrunningtips.com

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