Sunday, November 22, 2009
Dear Abby:My husband and
I have been married for many
years. We have three happy, suc-
cessful children and a good life
together. I love him
dearly.
I recently discovered
that he had been spend-
ing a lot of time in erot-
ic online chat rooms.
He had hundreds of
contacts he was speak-
ing with regularly for
pleasure. It had esca-
lated to the point that
he would have "con-
versations" with them
on the phone or watch
them on a webcam.
After I caught him,
he promised to stop. I
caught him again and threatened
to leave him.
He swore that he had never
met any of these people and that
he had used a fictitious name.
He's now getting counseling and
expects me to get beyond it. I am
trying, but I feel betrayed. I feel
as though he was unfaithful.
I am sure you have other read-
ers out there who have experi-
enced Internet infidelity. Do you
consider it cheating if they never
actually physically meet the peo-
ple they talk to? I have no one to
discuss this with and would ap-
preciate some input.
-- Just Plain Sad in Maine
Dear Just Plain Sad: Yes, I do
consider it a form of cheating.
And it would be in your interest to
get to the bottom of why this hap-
pened before you "get beyond it."
You're feeling sad
because you were
betrayed.
And the fact that you
have no one to discuss
it with makes me sad.
That's why I'm advis-
ing you that you could
also benefit from coun-
seling, and I recom-
mend that you seek a
referral right away.
Dear Abby: I have
two great-nephews. I
would like to invite one
of them to help me on a
big shopping trip, but I don't want
to include his brother.
The 10-year-old is a sweet boy
who always shows respect for his
elders. His 12-year-old brother is
a smart-mouth, arrogant know-it-
all. How can I invite one without
having to put up with the other?
-- Great-aunt Susie on
the East Coast
Dear Great-aunt Susie: Just
pick up the phone and ask his
mother if you can bring the
younger boy along to help you on
the trip. Don't mention the older
boy. And if his mother brings
him up, tell her what you have
told me. However, if you plan to
shower the younger one with gifts
on that trip and "forget" the older
one, I'd advise against it because
it will create resentment and the
target will be the younger boy.
Dear Abby: How do you
handle someone who needs to
constantly flaunt his money? That
person is my boss. He makes a lot
of money, and he enjoys rubbing
it in my face.
He never fails to tell me how
much he pays for purchases --
from cars to clothing, even to how
much he paid for his mother's fu-
neral. He literally approaches my
desk with his checkbook open and
points out the amount.
This man spends more on
clothes in a month than I earn in
a year. He takes his cash out of
his pocket and counts it in front
of me. I feel like he's waiting for
some kind of reaction from me,
but I don't give in.
Can you think of a way for me
to stop him in his tracks when he
starts regaling me with his next
shopping spree?
-- Frugal Office Worker in
The Midwest
Dear Office Worker: I sure can.
Tell him you need a raise.
Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171
Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405,
or e-mail AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.
advicegoddess.com)
COPYRIGHT 2009 AMY ALKON
DIST. BY CREATORS.COM
The moon in the sign of the water
bearer has a philanthropic tone. We
each have something to offer human-
ity that is unique and essential. And
each individual contribution profound-
ly affects the evolution of the planet.
The Aquarian moon reminds us that
it's important to do your own
thing and to be tolerant of
one another's differences.
TODAY'S BIRTHDAY
(Nov. 22). Your special
charisma will be amplified.
It benefits you to bring more
to the table in relationships
and work, and your en-
hanced offerings will attract
major love and success.
March brings a whirlwind
of publicity. Your stellar
reputation brings financial
abundance. A family-orient-
ed event is a must-attend in August.
Libra and Taurus people adore you.
ARIES (March 21-April 19).
Everything may be in working order,
but it will still benefit you to make a pit
stop for the repair and maintenance
of your soul. Whatever you feel like
you need to lighten your spirits, get it.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20).
You'll go about your activities with a
light heart because you have people
at home who love you and enjoy your
company. Your house will feel espe-
cially cozy this evening when you
return.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21).
A new love is simply a new person
awakening the feeling of love that
was already inside you. It's nice to
have someone unlock it for you, but
not necessary. It was always there.
CANCER (June 22-July 22).
Life is not a problem to be solved; it's
an experience to be savored. Balanc-
ing the sweetness of fun with the salti-
ness of hard work is challenge, but it
can be done. One need only watch
you!
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). You
will find yourself in the company of
people who know you and love you
in spite of your quirks. So refrain from
spending your energy on improving
this or that. See if you can love things
as they are.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22).
The topic of conversation you choose
among friends says a lot about where
you and your friends are emotionally.
Here's a topic to help you stay positive:
What are the three best
things that happened to
you recently?
LIBRA (Sept. 23-
Oct. 23). The secret
to winning this race is
knowing how to pace
yourself. Pay attention to
the internal signals that
alert you to when you're
starting out too fast or
trudging along below
your ability.
SCORPIO (Oct.
24-Nov. 21). Remem-
ber when you used to sit around and
wonder what your life would be like?
Well, this is it. Give it your approval
rating. Things are moving fast now,
too, so throw in a twist to keep it
interesting.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec.
21). You're proud to have all sorts of
different kinds of friends. The rabble-
rousers help you appreciate the quiet,
loyal people in your life. Sunday morn-
ing pals are an essential complement
to your Saturday night conspirators.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan.
19). There are a few worries in the
back of your mind, but you may as
well let them go -- they are unfound-
ed. The clouds on the distant horizon
aren't coming any closer to you. So
warm your face in the sun and feel
glad to be alive.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18).
A rift that arose out of nowhere needs
to be mended. A simple misunder-
standing can grow into an irreconcil-
able difference if neglected, so time is
of the essence. Reach out and apolo-
gize for your part in it.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20).
If you want your own fun, you'll have
to seek it out consciously. Because the
kind of fun that just happens to find
you is actually someone else's fun
-- still good, but not a perfect fit.
I'm planning to marry my boy-
friend in December. I love how
he makes me feel like a super-
model even though I'm slightly
overweight, and how he's always
saying he loves me. This is in
sharp contrast to my mentally
abusive ex-husband always say-
ing he never loved me.
Recently, my boyfriend
asked me to clean out
his car, and I found a
black bra under the
passengerseat.Hesaid,
"Baby, I bought that for
you, it was supposed to
be a surprise." When
asked to produce the
tags or receipt, he re-
sponds, "Excuse me for
trying to do something
romantic" or says he'll
show me the rack at
the store where he got
the bra. Should I really believe
he accidentally bought a bra way
smaller than my size and lost the
tags and receipt?
He's proven to be romantic on
several occasions -- only several
because we only met in March.
He swears he's being honest, but
he lies a lot; even his parents tell
me they can't believe much of
what he says.
-- Hopeless Romantic
There are two sides of you talk-
ing here: the side dying to believe
he'll show you the rack at the
store where he found the bra, and
the side that can't help but know
that the rack he got it off belongs
to some skinny blonde.
Come on ... you know as well as
we all do, when a guy's buying his
girlfriend lingerie, the sales clerk
doesn't say, "I could wrap this in
pink tissue paper, slap on a gold
sticker, and pop it in
a fancy little bag. But,
you know how your
girlfriend would really
like it ... under the pas-
senger seat, with a Life
Saver stuck to it, next
to a crumpled Burger
King wrapper and
some crunched-up
leaves." Yeah, I know...
excuuuuse him for try-
ing to do something
romantic. Next on
Romeo's list, "I have
a box of chocolates for
you -- they've been in the trunk
for a month!"
He does have his good qualities,
all two of them: He makes you feel
like a supermodel -- one whose
boyfriend cheats on her -- and al-
ways tells you he loves you.
He especially loves how you
look in the moonlight when you're
believing just about anything. His
other character witnesses are
less dewy-eyed. While parents
of murderers step over the dead
bodies in their foyer to defend
their kid's honor, his parents
came right out and told you he's a
relentless liar. You later e-mailed
me that he yells and swears at
them, and even threatened to
vandalize their new car if his dad
didn't do what he wanted. (Ap-
parently, telling Dad he's pretty
doesn't cut it.)
Do you actually find anything
attractive about him; I mean,
besides how attractive he makes
you feel? You're clearly trying
to make the best of a really bad
situation, because for you, being
without a man is an even worse
situation. This boyfriend isn't a
good guy, just a different kind of
bad guy than the last one.
Once again, this isn't going to
end well -- none of your relation-
ships will until you do the hard
work it takes to build up a strong
self and standards, and the guts
and dignity to stand up for them
instead of settling for pretty talk.
For a guidebook, pick up Nathan-
iel Branden's "The Six Pillars of
Self-Esteem."
You'll be ready to date again
when you find it unbelievable
that this guy was ever in a posi-
tion to ask you to marry him --
and even more unbelievable that
your answer was "Yes" and not
"Why don't we skip straight to the
bitter divorce?"
Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171
Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405,
or e-mail AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.
advicegoddess.com)
COPYRIGHT 2009 AMY ALKON
DIST. BY CREATORS.COM
Wife is betrayed by man's
repeated Internet infidelity
Build self esteem instead of
listening to lies of boyfriend
Sunday Horoscope
Dear Abby
Advice Goddess
Fill in the boxes
so that each row,
column and 3-by-3
square includes the
digits 1 through 9.
For solution, tips and
computer program,
see www.sudoku.com
Yesterday's solution
� Universal Press Syndicate
Difficulty: Hard
� S T A R S A N D S T R I P E S � F3HIJKLM J PAGE 17

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