14 CUMBRIA FARMER June 2009CumbriaHorse
How to handle humans:
humour them and let
them think they're boss
`Your human should always give
you attention first, and
preferably exclusively. If your
human dares to fuss another
horse in front of you, give them
the turned-away, haughty look
over the shoulder treatment'
I
t's Bank Holiday Monday as
I'm writing this and the
weather's gorgeous. Now
just pause for a moment to
savour those words � they're
not often seen together in the
same sentence. The celestial
department in charge of cli-
mate does seem to take mali-
cious delight in reserving the
particularly duff stuff for
those days when much of the
nation's been given leave to
play.
This particular Bank Holiday
Monday always falls round about
my birthday (May 31, if you'd like
to note it in your diary for future
reference).
This year my Mum bought me a
book as part of my birthday pre-
sent � and presented it a week
beforehand with the strict instruc-
tions that I wasn't allowed to read
it until the Big Day. However �
when I saw the title � how on
earth was I supposed to resist? It's
called One Hundred Ways For A
Horse To Train Its Human. I
flicked through the pages, glanced
at a couple of sentences � then
somehow found myself sitting
down with a cup of coffee and
reading the lot.
Allow me to give you a flavour
of the book...
"There will at some point be a
tussle for the leadership position
between you and your human.
Humour them and allow them to
think they are the boss, while qui-
etly watching them muck out your
stable, fill your water buckets,
pick out your feet and struggle to
manhandle a barrowload of horse
pooh.
"Remember, they frequently
work long hours in a job they hate
just so they can pay to do this in
their spare time."
My first thought on reading this
book was profound gratitude that
my horse Bounce can't read � then
I found this bit and seriously
began to wonder if he'd actually
written it!
"Your human should always
give you attention first, and
preferably exclusively. If your
human dares to fuss another
horse in front of you, give them
the turned-away, haughty look
over the shoulder treatment."
Bounce is a dab hand at that
one!
Funnily enough, I recently got
one of those Horse Whisperer
communication thingys done for
Bounce � by one of the members
of the ex-racers group I belong to
(www.scotnorthexracers.co.uk).
Obviously, people have their
own views about such things �
some will say they're a load of
old tosh, but others will be total
believers. Me � I'm completely
fascinated. Which is not to say
that I don't maintain a healthy
scepticism � I'm a journalist and
therefore licensed to be cynical �
but I also love the fact that there
are still many things that just
can't quite be explained in any
rational manner � and long may
that remain the case. I definitely
don't want all of life's mysteries
to be solved and neatly filed
away.
But I digress � back to Bounce
and his psychic reading. Here are
some of the highlights.
"Bounce comes across as a loyal
chap; he shows he is happiest with
a one-human, one-horse relation-
ship. He isn't keen on sharing and
likes feeling that he is the main
man, the number one in his
human's eyes."
No problem there then � he's
definitely my numero uno.
"Bounce has a lovely, comfy
feeling about him; he doesn't feel
like he is a high-flyer or espe-
cially bright. If he was a human
he would be like Barry from Last
of the Summer Wine � not a go-
getter, but very honest and
dependable."
Barry from Last of the Summer
Wine � no way! My horse is
George Clooney at the very least.
"He is happy with his human,
but gets cross when she is seen
dealing with others. He gets quite
jealous, he seems a little insecure
and feels that he is being com-
pared with others. He gets a bit
worried that others may be bet-
ter."
Aww bless! Now I just want to
go and cuddle him.
"Bounce enjoys things that he
can do. He shows he likes to jump
as long as he isn't over-faced, but
given the choice he prefers west-
ern riding because it makes him
feel very relaxed and lets him feel
he is a bit of a star."
First time I took him to a west-
ern lesson he was tense, jumpy
and very much on his toes. Now
he lopes around that arena like a
good old cowpony.
"He gets on okay with the other
horses he lives with, but sometimes
he feels that one in particular is `up
his own backside'. He feels you will
know who he means!"
This just has to be Malcolm's
horse Shady Canadian (now being
ridden by his daughter Caroline).
As much as I love the big grey lad,
I have to agree with Bounce!
Maybe I'll ask for a reading on
him next � and give him a chance
to get his own back.
GILLY FRASER
Show DiaryShow Diary
Summer's here! The Skelton Show takes place on Saturday, July 4
Tussle for leadership? Humans frequently work long hours in a job they hate
just so they can pay to muck out stables in their spare time
JUNE
Sun 14 � Greenlands: BSJA mixed
Sun 14 � Blackdyke: affiliated
and unaffiliated dressage
Sun 14 � Kingwater: Shires SJ
qualifiers. Details at
www.redpinevents.co.uk.
Contact Sam Shiner. Pony
classes: 60, 65, 75cms. Shire
qualifiers: 85, 95cms. Horses: 65,
75, 85, 95cms
Sun 14 � Inglewood: working
hunter competition. Contact Val
on 01768 866410 or 07980
674409
Sun 14 � Cumbria Endurance
(EGB Cumbria). Trotters entries
to Penny Pearce, 1a Green
Lane, Dalton in Furness, LA15
8LZ . For more details, email
penpearce@yahoo.co.uk
Mon 15 � Carlisle Races:
afternoon flat racing
Sat 20 � Kingwater: western
riding demonstration. Contact
Ann Dalton on 01670 787724
Sun 21 � Greenlands: spotted
horse and pony show, indoors.
Contact Sheila Wilson on 01697
361239
Sun 21 � Kingwater: unaffiliated
dressage. Tests: walk and trot A,
walk and trot B, prelims. 4 and 7.
Novice 21 and 27
Sun 21 � Greenlands: Ullswater
Pony Sports. BSJA and
unaffiliated showjumping and
games
Sun 21 � Cumbria Endurance
(EGB Cumbria), Little Tebay.
Entries to Carolyn Cummings,
Street Farm Stables, Orton, CA10
3SE. For details, email
streetfarmstables@hotmail.co.uk
Sun 21 � Cumbria Riding Club:
combined training. For details,
www.cumbriaridingclub.org.uk
Sun 21 � John Peel Riding Club:
combined training competition
at Blackdyke. For details,
www.johnpeelrc.btik.com
Wed 24 � Carlisle Races: Bell &
Plate Day
Fri 26 � Greenlands: CFHS
Branch Pony Club, afternoon
and evening
Sun 28 � Greenlands:
unaffiliated showjumping.
Ponies 10am, horses 2pm
Sun 28 � Kingwater: outdoor
arena XC. Ponies 11am, horses
2pm. Novice int, open, clear
round classes
Sun 28 � Inglewood:
Trailblazers showing show.
Contact Ellen Jones on 017684
83511 / 07787 570736 or email
sparket@btinternet.com
Sun 28 � Caldew Riding Club:
second points show at Glasson.
For more details, email
caldewridingclub@hotmail.com
JULY
Wed 1 and Thurs 2 �
Inglewood: David Wadge
lesson. Contact Ellen Jones on
017684 83511 / 07787 570736 or
email sparket@btinternet.com
Fri 3 - Sun 5 � Kingwater: Dave
Stuart clinics (Natural
Horsemanship)
Sat 4 � Carlisle Racecourse: CFM
Radio Summer Family Festival
with kids' entertainment from
3pm, CFM Roadshow, music pre-
racing, a fireworks finale and
special guests Escala perform.
Flat racing
Sat 4 � Skelton Show
Sun 5 � Greenlands: BSJA
mixed
Sun 5 � Blackdyke : affiliated
and unaffiliated dressage
Sun 5 � Cumbria Riding Club:
S J and dressage and combined
training (open) at Newton
Manor. For charity �
Breakthrough Breast Cancer
Wed 8 � Cumbria Riding Club
club night (ground permitting)
at Newton Manor
Sat 11 and Sun 12 � Cumbria
Riding Club: camp at Highfield
Farm, Boustead near Carlisle
Sat 11 � Carriage-driving
competition at Boreland near
Lockerbie
Sun 12 � Greenlands:
unaffiliated show-jumping.
Ponies 10am, horses 2pm
Sun 12 � Kingwater:
unaffiliated dressage. Tests:
walk and trot A and B Prelims.7
and 14, Novices 28 and 27
Sun 12 � Caldew Riding Club
Working Hunter Show
Wed 15 and Thurs 16 �
Inglewood: David Wadge
lesson. Contact Ellen Jones on
017684 83511 / 07787 570736 or
email: sparket@btinternet.com
Fri 17 � Greenlands: Burghley
event pony. Contact Heather
Metcalf on 016974 76786
Sat 18 � Cumberland Show
Sun 19 � Greenlands:
unaffiliated show-jumping.
Ponies 10am, horses 2pm
Sun 19 � Kingwater: Shires
unaffiliated SJ. Ponies 11am,
horses 2pm qualifiers
Mon 20 to Thurs 23 �
Greenlands: West Cumberland
Pony Club camp
Wed 22� Cumbria Riding Club
club night (ground permitting)
at Newton Manor, 6-8pm
Wed 22 � Caldew Riding Club:
Dressage
Sat 25 � Penrith Show
Sun 26 � Greenlands: BSJA
junior
Sun 26 � John Peel Riding Club
three-phase competition at
Blackdyke
Sun 26 � Cumbria Riding Club:
working hunter day at Newton
Manor
Sun 26 � Carlisle Racecourse:
Carlisle Live... At The Races! A
family fun day with a post-
racing concert from X-Factor
stars Eoghan Quigg, Ruth
Lorenzo And Laura White
Mon 27 to Fri 31 � Greenlands:
Wyndham Pony Club camp

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